Cold Side of ME

No, this is not a Valentines day post, and the emotion that flows through my writing today is by far has nothing to do in such occasion.

In the series of disappointments hitting me lately, I've notice how hard am I to myself and how eager I am to be better and when things don't go as planned that's when everything breaks down.

Me growing up with a brother who do great in everything that he do and me being surrounded by people who seems to have the things that I would like myself to have, molded me into someone no one would ever choose to be.

It all started in me Idolizing people around me and I believe that Idolization may lead you into separate ways, either inspiration or envy, and the bad thing about it is that, I think I was in the negative side of it.

Yes I must admit I'm pretty much envious, which leads me to be a monster to  myself, I even came to a point wherein I was hurting myself whenever I wasn't able to do as how others may have done it, or whenever I can't have those things that I like while others has everything.

I once mentioned in one of my post that through my job right now I learned to believe in myself, and for once I had confidence that I can do things just like anyone but the things that were hitting me makes me lose that little by little.

Someone told me that, perhaps, the reason why I get too disappointed is because the goal that I have for myself doesn't fit the capabilities that I do have. This makes a huge sense to me, maybe I'm really pushing myself to hard on the things I still can't do as of now. 

But then again, all I've ever wanted is to be someone who is above average, I mean to be able to excel on even just one thing that I do, which I never was been able to do so. My incompetence and incapability leads me to where am I right now, which makes everything even more heavier to carry.

I know most of you would try to cheer me up, but I just want you to know that deep down inside me I'm still holding my spark but as of now, even though positive aura flows with the breeze of tonight, please.... just let me be...

Long Post

Ang topic natin naun ee ang pinagdaanan ko sa company na pinagtratrabahuhan ko mejo mag trothrow back moment lungs ko ahh.
I remember is was around last week ng june nung nag apply ako saAegis people support, sa totoo lang failure ung mind set ko nun ee, pero fortunately di ko alam kung ano meron at natanggap naman ako sa agad at 4hours process lang sya actually then JO na agads.
Originally July 22 ung start ng training pero naadjust ako para sa july 8 training super intimidated ako at lumakas ng bongga ung inferiority complex ko dahil I was surrounded by people na alam kong mas magaling sakin, mga taong may experience na sa BPO, at mga nakatungtong ng college. Pero ayun lakasan na lang ng loob dahil nandun  na din naman ako!
Lumipas ang sang linggo ng FT nabuo ang isang batch ng trainees na sasabak sa Client specific training, ang BATCH 128, we were handled by a great and jolly trainor at nag grew ung connection within sa batch, nakatagpo ulet ako ng mga kaibagan na mejo parang nawala saking before this.

Dalawang buwan ng madugong training pagaaral ng pag eexchange ng flights mga hotel issues at kung anik anki about travel and hospitality which is the vertical na kinabibilangan ng account na napasukan ko.
A day before our graduation saming nesting period ee super saya ko, dahil nakakuha ako ng perfect csat! which makes me have the highest rater sa batch namen, kahit naman dame kong flaws sa calls!.

Sumapet na ung graduation namen everyone is nasa good mood dahil mukang lahat naman ee good to go na!. Pagpasok ng training room my kakaiba, bakit may kasama kameng batch na starting pa lang sa nesting period? un pala isang masakit na announcement pala ang hatid nila! DISSOLVED ang batch namen!
galit lungkot at dissapointments ung ung naramdaman namen.

Pero may reprofiling process naman ang company, which is tinaggap na lang ng karamihan samen, ung iba pinili na lng na magaapply sa ibang company. Eventually nalipat kame sa ibang account under pa din sya ng same account na napasukan namen pero ibang websites naman sya, at bukod sa service ee may sales na sya!.

Mas ng grow ung relationship ng mga natitirang 128 sa class. From batch 128 naging batch 5 na kame. Mejo may mga nakakainis pang balita dahil palita pala probationary period namen ee maadjust dapat kasi ee last year ee na appraise na kame for regularization na! Natapos ang mahigit san buwan na training at naindorse kame sa floor! at dun na nagkasubukan! at aaminin ko ang hirap ng sales! dahil wala naman talaga sa personality ko ang pagiging sales person ee pero sa tulong ni god nakakaya pa naman.

Ang expected na regularization namen ee nalipat ng February! mejo nakakakaba kasi last January in a matter of hours bumagsak ung stats ko which puts a doubt sa regularization ko, pero luckily, kahit pano ee nahit ko naman pala ung stats needed para sa appraisal, which happened last Wednesday!

Nakakatuwa lang kasi after ng napakarame nameng  pinagdaanan ee nakarating na kame ng ganto kalayo sa account! kahit madame pading doubt sa sarili ko ee, siguro nanamnamin ko muna ung saya ng moment na to.

Pero nga lang ang sad ee, balita ko ee may mga di ata na appraise :( nabawasan nanaman ang batch namen.

Want ko lang itake ang ooportunities na to kahit alam kong baka di naman nila mabasa to ee ipupush ko na!
first sa unang trainor ko na si Clare na nagturo ng halos lahat ng nalalaman ko sa service pati nadin sa mga naging kaakibat nya na lalo na si Cams and Glenn, sa supervisor kong si sup Shane na napaka galing na mentor ko sa sales na di sumuko sakin at this time at ngpapalakas ng loob ko, pati nadin sa mga tenured agents na kinukulit kong palage lalo na sina Melody and Angel. Sa iba pang sup sa account na sina sup Ting and Jim and ofcourse pati na din si Marie ang first kiss ko sa office haha. Pati na din ang mga nasama sa batch 5 na mula sa batch 129 na sina Shiela and Phine. At most importantly sa Meanions! kay Anne na kalandian kakulitan ko si Aleks na super iyakin at ang lage kong kasama! sina Jang, Rc, Chemae, Gerald, Tj,  at sa lahat lahat ng nakasama ko throughout sa journey ko sa work na to.

o sya maxdo na mahaba to! nyt nyt mga parekoy at marekoy!