Biyernes, Pebrero 14, 2014

Cold Side of ME

No, this is not a Valentines day post, and the emotion that flows through my writing today is by far has nothing to do in such occasion.
In the series of disappointments hitting me lately, I've notice how hard am I to myself and how eager I am to be better and when things don't go as planned that's when everything breaks down.
Me growing up with a brother who do great in everything that he do and me being surrounded by people who seems to have the things that I would like myself to have, molded me into someone no one would ever choose to be.
It all started in me Idolizing people around me and I believe that Idolization may lead you into separate ways, either inspiration or envy, and the bad thing about it is that, I think I was in the negative side of it.
Yes I must admit I'm pretty much envious, which leads me to be a monster to  myself, I even came to a point wherein I was hurting myself whenever I wasn't able to do as how others may have done it, or whenever I can't have those things that I like while others has everything.
I once mentioned in one of my post that through my job right now I learned to believe in myself, and for once I had confidence that I can do things just like anyone but the things that were hitting me makes me lose that little by little.
Someone told me that, perhaps, the reason why I get too disappointed is because the goal that I have for myself doesn't fit the capabilities that I do have. This makes a huge sense to me, maybe I'm really pushing myself to hard on the things I still can't do as of now. 
But then again, all I've ever wanted is to be someone who is above average, I mean to be able to excel on even just one thing that I do, which I never was been able to do so. My incompetence and incapability leads me to where am I right now, which makes everything even more heavier to carry.

I know most of you would try to cheer me up, but I just want you to know that deep down inside me I'm still holding my spark but as of now, even though positive aura flows with the breeze of tonight, please.... just let me be...

7 komento:

  1. Even when you've mentioned that even a cheer won't do, I'll still brave your territory buy sharing some wisdom with you. Firstly, don't be too hard on yourself. If you wanted to get better, just do it slowly. You can't rush things up. There is a process. You can't change or upgrade yourself overnight.

    Keep your cool and never decide over a thing when you're not in your best self or else something will suffer in you. Just strive to be the best person you can be. And never focus yourself in the bad light of situation.

    And please avoid negative thoughts - if you can. Having them in mind won't help you. Relax a bit and channel into something that would make you smile - maybe thinking of something positive you want to do in a day or remembering a good memory from your past life. Just never ever be a friend of negative thoughts. And focus to people that creates positive influences to you - just my two cents.

  2. Remember Mecs - that I'm a friend and a kuya to you that's why I've said those words.

  3. Find your Core because your center will bring you to the path where you belong. I too have my own battle of being better person especially when I am surrounded by, i think, better persons than I am. pero you know what, even insecurities and intimidation come to me. I try to appreciate every thing I have, my uniqueness and tell myself that there are also people looking at me.

    I am not giving you comfort but I just want you to know that there are also people like me that have the same challenges like yours.

    -let's talk like before. miss you panget

  4. may mga times talaga na may ganyan tayong nararamdaman sa ating mga sarili and i know na malalampasan mo yan in time

  5. Oo mejo marami din tayong may " cold side". Nakausap ko yung opismate ko just last week. We're talking about growth. Sa age ata natin , above anything , ito yung gusto nating makuha. sabi ko nga sa kanya I asked myself . ano ba? san na ko pupunta? 24 na ko pero parang wala namang nangyayari sa buhay ko. Pero alam ko " This too shall passed"

    Pray parekoi.

    And take it easy on yourself :)


  6. I won't cheer you up. I will just let you be...

    but take it easy...

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